Steve Eighinger

Closing the book on 2016 'Morons of the Month'

By Herald-Whig
Posted: Dec. 30, 2016 8:55 am

We're closing out the year with the final "Morons of the Month" awards, and I feel the 12th and final edition for 2016 is a great way to end the year.

While we've had some impressive traffic violations this year, I don't think any have topped our bronze medal winner, and I can guarantee this month's silver medal recipient is the first of his kind in this space -- not only this year, but ever.

And the final gold medal winner of the year? I'll let you decide where he belongs on a scale of 1-to-10 in the strange but true department.

The envelopes, please:

Bronze medal

Hector Faire is facing quite a few charges after leading Oklahoma Highway Patrol officers on a high-speed chase.

This was not your average, run-of-the-mill pursuit.

Faire, 19, was clocked going 208 mph -- 138 mph over the speed limit.

"That is extremely fast," Oklahoma Highway Patrol Capt. Paul Timmons said in a Fox news report.

Faire had originally been clocked at 84 mph, then tried to outrun police.

Faire was driving a 2011 Ford Mustang. The key word is "was." Faire will not be behind the wheel of that Mustang for quite awhile.

Silver medal

The South China Morning Post reports one of the wackiest crime stories of the year concerning a Hong Kong computer technician, Lam Chung-kan, a 37-year-old married father, who stole and drank a colleague's breast milk.

"As if that weren't enough, he also sent the woman anonymous messages bragging about drinking her milk," the paper reported.

About a week before Christmas, Lam pleaded guilty to one count of theft. His defense council said that he was sorry for what he had done, saying it was a one-time offense that had been brought on by his inability to cope with stress at work.

The court punished Lam with 200 hours of community service.

I'm only guessing, but that office Christmas party might have been a bit awkward.

Gold medal

A 25-year-old Polish man was pronounced dead from cardiac arrest after drinking too much vodka.

The man, named Kamil (no last name was provided on the speisa.com website), later woke up with a toe tag in a refrigerator in the morgue of the small town of Kamiena Gora.

Kamil had been declared dead of cardiac arrest -- only he was not. He had been rushed to a nearby hospital where attempts were made to revive him, but medical personnel eventually declared him dead and had him moved to the morgue.

After Kamil awoke, he was able to gather his belongings, and check himself out of the hospital.

He then went back to the pub.

The final gold medal of the year goes to the medical staff at the hospital, and it is a well-deserved honor.

We'll see you again in about 30 days with the first batch of 2017 morons.