Steve Eighinger

To crunch, or not to crunch?

By Herald-Whig
Posted: Nov. 17, 2017 8:35 am

It's been quite awhile since I have perused Facebook and reacted to some of my friends' ramblings.

Let's see what we can find today in the latest installment of "Found on Facebook."

º "Don't trust people who dislike tacos. They're probably not human." (Seriously, who doesn't like tacos? I'm kind of partial to the hard shells, but I've never met a soft-shell taco I haven't immediately bonded with, either. You can hold the sour cream, though.)

º "I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly." (Admit it. We all have one friend we'd like to have read this.)

º "If by ‘crunches' you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then, yes, I do crunches." (And I do a lot of them.)

º "Just once I would like to read a medication warning that says ‘may cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles and cause too much energy.' " (I really don't care about the wrinkles or extra energy, but to find that first item on a bag of potato chips or box of pastries would be awesome.)

º "When I ask directions, please don't use words like ‘east.' " (This person must have been talking to my wife.)

º "The only thing Flat Earthers fear is sphere itself." (I always appreciate a little social commentary with a great one-liner. I hope Kyrie Irving is not reading this.)

º "When you ask me what I am doing today and I say ‘nothing,' it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing." (I like this to be my game plan for most weekends.)

º "Respect old people. They graduated high school without Wikipedia or Google." (Every kid today should have to learn the Dewey Decimal System, plus how to navigate a 32-book set of the Encyclopaedia Britannica.)

º "Don't worry about getting older. You're still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower." (I've noticed.)

º "The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers." (Pop music references are always welcome.)

º "During labor, the pain is so bad a woman can almost imagine what it is like when a man has a fever." (If men had to give birth, civilization would have ceased centuries ago.)

º "When a man says he'd do anything for a woman, he means he'd stop bullets and kill dragons, not clean the basement and wash dishes." (For 19 years, I've been trying to explain this concept to the Little Woman.)

º "No matter how old you get, never stop holding hands, never stop dancing and never stop saying, ‘I love you.' " (Sometimes, there is actually some incredibly sound advice on Facebook.)

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