Steve Eighinger

Gold-medal moron serves up burger, fries, coke

By Herald-Whig
Posted: Dec. 1, 2017 10:15 am Updated: Dec. 1, 2017 11:53 am

What do you get when you cross an opossum, a motorized shopping cart and a drug-selling fast-food employee?

If you guessed the latest edition of the "Morons of the Month," you would be right. For those keeping score at home, this is the 109th installment of our monthly celebration of bad judgment.

And to whet your appetite a bit, the next time we meet on this subject, it will be to reveal the Morons of the Year. But first, let's congratulate the following:

 

Bronze medal

Three men in Pennsylvania have been charged with an unusual form of animal abuse.

The trio -- Michael Robert Tice, 18, of Newport; David Mason Snook, 19, of Reedsville; and Morgan Scot Ehrenzeller, 20, of McAlisterville -- posted photos of themselves pouring beer into the mouth of an opossum and then kissing the animal.

The Pennsylvania State Game Commission did not appreciate those antics and arrested the men for "unlawful possession of wildlife and disturbing wildlife."

 

Silver medal

I think this is the first medal winner we have ever had from Alaska, but he's obviously deserving.

Rondell Tony Chinuhuk, 32, of Anchorage, stole a motorized shopping cart at a Safeway store but didn't get far, according to the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner.

Even though Chinuhuk put the pedal to the metal, the cart tops out at 1.9 mph, so even after a 10-minute joy ride he had barely left the parking lot before police officers caught up with him.

Chinuhuk was charged with felony second-degree theft. (Would it have been a first-degree theft if the cart had been able to go faster?)

 

Gold medal

The night shift manager at a McDonald's in New York City was arrested for serving up cocaine with fast food, the New York Daily News reported.

Frank Guerrero, 26, would stash the cocaine in the restaurant's bathroom before his shift started. He peddled cocaine and crack with the burgers he sold, authorities said.

Guerrero allegedly sold drugs twice to an undercover officer at the counter, shoving the contraband in a cookie bag, which he stuffed alongside two cheeseburgers, a soda and fries.

Guerrero made some of the drug deals "right under the noses of the other employees," according to police information.

"Guerrero's conduct was so blatant, it would be comical if he weren't committing a serious narcotics crime," a New York City prosecutor told the newspaper.

Oh, and there's more.

When police raided Guerrero's home, they found 200 grams of cocaine and $5,300 in cash in a dresser inside his 2-year-old son's playroom.

Obviously, ordering coke with your burger and fries took on a whole new meaning at this fast-food operation.

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