Herald-Whig

Long days of Summer

Posted: Aug. 8, 2018 12:01 am Updated: Aug. 8, 2018 12:17 am

Long before the pools open and most people have gone to work, I've already told people to take it down a notch and keep their hands to themselves. Multiply that by a thousand, and you may have an insight into why we are already well past summer solstice but the summer days seem to be getting longer. Maybe the summer pollen has blocked sinuses disabling their hearing.

Maybe the chlorine that has wrecked their hair has seeped into the part of the brain that controls their mouth.

Maybe the heat and humidity that makes me feel like I'm moving in slow motion has made it impossible to do chores without complaining.

Newsflash: No one wants to do chores. I've got incredibly bad news. Do you think it's going to get easier? There are aspects of all our jobs that are unappealing but we all have to take that Mary Poppins spoonfull of sugar and get on with it.

I recently enjoyed telling my oldest, "I'm going to tell you what the midwife told me when your head was crowning: screaming is a waist of breath. Get your head down and use that energy." She was, of course, mortified so I counted that as a win on a number of levels: The message, the education and the horror. #truestory (possibly the title of my memoirs).

Yes, stop talking and start doing. You'd be done cleaning your room in the time it took you to outline all the reasons you shouldn't have to. Write me a report, and I'll save it for your autobiography. Nothing helps one vent more than writing a heated letter to the source of your injustice. Plus, writing a persuasive essay on why you are right and I'm the worst would really help you sharpen that intellectual sword. We could kill so many birds with this stone!

Other than arguing with me, we have dissension in the ranks. How hard are the instructions, "Don't touch each other!" I mean, seriously. Don't poke your sister! Don't slap your brother! No slug bugs, wet willys, hair pulling, making anyone smell your armpit or foot, pretending like you're going to touch someone but not quite touching them. I'm this close to buying straight jackets for the van.

I feel like I'm halfway through the marathon that is summer and wondering where those people are with the little cups of water and pats on the back. Except if it could not be water and they could separate the children for me, that be great.

Oh well, I'll make it. Insert the meme of a goat on a rock between two cliffs declaring, "It's fine. Everything is fine."

Being in the middle means looking both ways: Reflecting on all we've done, all we still have to do and prepping our arrival back to school. We have so much going on, I feel like my computer with all the tabs open. I know even though I would like to lay down and watch the new Anne of Green Gables on Netflix with the kids, now is the time to get organized and help them do the same. When we are organized, understand our expectations and are focused on our goals for the day, there is less yelling "Stop touching each other!"

Ok, just one more episode of Anne with an E! Then we are going to be productive. It's going to be a long summer day either way.

I feel like I need a little musical inspiration. Dolly Parton, just so you know, I've changed the words to 5 to 9 in my head. #momlife.