Herald-Whig

Democracy vs. Dictatorship

Posted: Aug. 22, 2018 12:01 am

"We've all taken a vote, and we've decided we don't want to ______."

"We've all taken a vote, and want to go to ______."

Majority rules, right?

Well, dear children, it seems you've got a firm grasp on what a democracy is. I like that you are so politically minded and also learning to consider what it means to be a team, although I'm not sure you haven't bought out you're younger more dupable conspirators. Maybe I've underestimated you, and you actually have a much deeper understanding of politics than I thought.

I actually have a quick flashback to being a young child and trading my sister a penny for a quarter and at Halloween trading my crap candy until my mom shut that down. That's why I shut down trading in my house long before it started, because even good kids are ass&*%^s some of the time.

Somehow, that leads beautifully back into politics. I'm not an expert, but I know that democracy means "ruled by the people." While I would like you to be responsible for yourself, I want to clarify that you rule no one. If this was a democracy, I would not exist, and you would all, hopefully, have an equal say and not all kill each other over the last piece of pizza.

However, it's not, and I do. This is very clearly a dictatorship. I am the Queen. You are my subjects. Just be grateful I'm benevolent. I mean until the sun sets, and I've heard, "Mom' fifty thousand times," broke up fifty fights, used every ounce of first aid training I've had coupled with probably yet another box of bandaids (I'm buying stock), taken the kazoo (or sound maker of choice) off someone and thrown it out the window, been told "That's not fair" or "You never let me" followed by a dramatic storm out, then had to clean up an epic mess, probably from some sort of fail involving slime (Just kidding, that' sh*&s never coming out of my upstairs carpet or grout in the basement).

So to sum up: Democracy is great. You should do that when you're sharing a house in college and trying to decide whose turn it is to clean the bathroom. You are currently living in a dictatorship. Luckily for you, I'm usually reasonable, and I clean the bathroom. You may voice your opinion, and I may or may not listen. My ultimate decision on things is final and absolute. Your votes are cute but ultimately futile. No need to bow down but please excuse me while I go get my crown for the next vote.