It was one of those defining moments in life. You know, when time stands still and the world around you becomes some kind of bizarre vacuum.
I had opened the mailbox and grabbed the day's supply of bills, plus the latest edition of AARP magazine. On the way back up the driveway to the house, I was thumbing through the magazine. I always turn to the back where there is a section highlighting notable birthdays of some well-known personalities turning 50, 60, 70 and occasionally 80 or 90.
In this particular issue, I noted Lynda Carter -- who played "Wonder Woman" on the old 1970s TV series -- was turning 60. Sixty? Wow, I couldn't believe she was that old. I still envisioned her saving the world.
Then it hit me. That's my next milestone. In just a little more than two years -- unless Charles Camping hits one of those end of the world predictions correctly -- I will turn 60 years old. I barely remember eclipsing the 50, 40 and 30 landmarks.
Whether or not you buy into the "60 is the new 45" line of thinking, the bottom line is 60 is still 60, and I'm now going to be 60 years old more sooner than later.
For some reason, in my moment of despair at the thought of turning 60 -- did I mention that? -- I headed for my laptop in the privacy of the mancave.
"Is something wrong?" the Little Woman asked.
"No, I just need a moment," I answered.
I felt like the oldest person in the world as I Googled the term "people born in 1953". I wanted to see who else would be turning 60 with me in a couple of years. I was rather impressed with some of the company I would be keeping -- but then it hit me all over again, the Lynda Carter thing. I couldn't comprehend some of these people were that old. In my mind, they are all still in their 20s or 30s, not on the verge of being ready for a rocking chair. Here are some of the new oldtimers who will be turning 60 with me:
º Hulk Hogan: It seems like only yesterday he was in the midst of one of his feuds with the Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff and other purveyors of evil. And he still has a great tan.
º Pierce Brosnan: How can the second-best James Bond be hitting the big six-oh? Wasn't he just saving the world from the clutches of such villains as Xenia Onatopp? Like Hogan, the former Agent 007 doesn't look like he's almost 60. That's little consolation, however, for someone approaching that particular birthday.
º Cyndi Lauper: Isn't she still bouncing around stages to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and making videos with Capt. Lou Albano? What's that you, say? Capt. Lou has passed away and Cyndi is a much more reserved personality these days. I guess that happens when you get old(er) ...
º Patti Scialfa: She was the red-headed backup singer for Bruce Springsteen who eventually married The Boss almost 20 years ago. They always made great music together with the rest of the E Street Band, rocking the world as they went. The songs are still the same, but shows are not quite so dramatic. That happens when you get close to ... being 60 years old.
º Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs: He was one of the students on "Welcome Back, Kotter," the old high school comedy that starred Gabe Kaplan and had the theme song sung by John Sebastian (without the Lovin' Spoonful). I really have a hard time picturing Hilton-Jacobs' character, Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington -- plus Arnold Horshack and Vinnie Barbarino --nearing 60 candles on a birthday cake.
º Butch Patrick: This is the one that really put me over the edge. Patrick played Eddie Munster on the old sitcom "The Munsters". I stills see him on reruns, about 8 years old, exchanging one liners with Herman, Lily, Grandpa and others. And now I see he's almost 60 years old, and he looks every day of it.
Where did all the years go? Maybe Hulk, Cyndi, Patti and Butch are asking the same thing.