By STEVE EIGHINGER
Herald-Whig Staff Writer
We seem to have this romantic connection with anniversaries of all sorts, whether they are of the wedding or store-opening variety.
If you have been married for 25 years, it's your silver anniversary. If Jimbo's Machine Shop has been in operation for 25 years, it's also a silver anniversary.
We are all well-versed in major anniversaries. It's a given that golden is 50 and diamond is 75.
But what about some of the lesser anniversaries, or the ones that simply do not have a "0" or "5" at the end?
For instance, did you know that a seventh anniversary is "wool"? What? Are we supposed to buy a sweater for the lucky couple, individual or business?
Or how about the 21st anniversary? That can be either "brass" or "nickel." Hmmm ... should I go the bank and get a couple of rolls of coins for a gift?
Here's an idea to fix all of this silliness. We throw away all the preconceived designations for anniversaries and create a new -- and short -- list of rules:
º We only honor the following anniversaries: 1, 5, 10, 20, 30, 40 and 50. The card companies will make less money, but this is much easier to remember.
º Instead of all those high-priced jewelry-related and similar anniversary identifications, we toss all of those out and go with simpler, easier to remember -- and more scrumptious -- designations. We shall use types of food to differentiate the various anniversaries.
See how this works for you:
Accepted designation: Paper. (Unless you're giving a copy of The Herald-Whig, this is rather dumb.)
My suggestion: Donuts. (Pick up a dozen on the way home, and the Little Woman will love you forever.)
Accepted designation: Wood. (Seriously, who came up with these things? Are you supposed to get your wife a chainsaw?)
My suggestion: Cheeseburger. (Nothing says lovin' like somethin' from the grill.)
Accepted designation: Tin. (My ideas may be in jest, but they are no worse than paper, wood and tin.)
My suggestion: Tacos. (The "Taco 10" even has a nice ring to it. Can be either hard or soft shell. Remember, it's the thought that counts.)
Accepted designation: China. (Plates? How romantic is that? Geesh.)
My suggestion: Chicken wings. (If someone actually gives you some china, you can put the wings on it and celebrate.)
Accepted designation: Pearl. (This one's not too bad, just expensive.)
My suggestion: Maid Rites. (Going to Maid Rite should be mandatory on every anniversary. You and your own Little Woman can snuggle in one of those classic booths while you polish off a Super Maid Rite, fries, Coke and a piece of peanut butter pie.)
Accepted designation: Ruby or garnet. (The "Ruby" I like best has "Tuesday's" as part of the name.)
My suggestion: Pizza. (Order a supreme, kick back and relax while watching the latest episode of "Ice Road Truckers." That, my friends, is livin' -- and lovin' -- large.)
Accepted designation: Gold. (Classic, but once again way too expensive.)
My suggestion: Banana split. (One for each of you. Heck, after 50 years, there's no need to share. I don't want to have to ante up part of chocolate, strawberry or pineapple topping.)
And if you are married or in business more than 50 years, just be grateful you are alive.