Eighinger: Please don't let bankruptcy rob me of my Hostess delights

Posted: Jan. 13, 2012 10:16 pm Updated: Feb. 11, 2012 6:15 pm


My heart fell to the floor a few days ago when I saw Hostess may be facing bankruptcy.

How could this be? I have personally eaten enough of the company's products to keep it in business for centuries to come.

Next to rooting for the Cleveland Indians and Ohio State Buckeyes, plus watching "American Idol," I count eating Hostess products among my most valuable earthly pleasures.

What would life be without raspberry Zingers, Ho-Hos and apple Fruit Pies? I have been addicted to Hostess products for more than 50 years. (And don't go bringing those Little Debbie products around me. They're not welcome in my house.)

What makes those Hostess products so dang good? I have no idea, and probably don't want to know. I just know a day rarely passes without me a dropping a Hostess wrapper in the mancave trash basket.

I was so distraught about the financial woes of Hostess that I made a special pilgrimage to my favorite supermarket and said a silent prayer when I reached the snack cake section.

Our country may be a gazillion dollars in debt, and I may not be able to pay next month's heating bill, but above all else right now, I'm hoping Donald Trump, Warren Buffett or Bill Gates finds enough compassion in their heart to buy Hostess and save my cupcakes.

In case at some point in the near future when the world is no longer home to those little six-packs of crumb-cake Donettes, let it be known these are -- or were -- my 10 favorite items produced by Hostess:

1. Raspberry Zingers: These are best eaten slightly chilled. The coconut, artificial raspberry coloring and just the right amount of mystery white stuff in the middle is amazing. At times, the first bite will bring a tear to my eye.

2. Orange cupcakes: Sometimes these delicacies are hard to find, but the search is always well worth the journey. The frosting on this model is the best of any Hostess product.

3. Chocolate cupcakes: Unlike their orange brethren, the chocolate cupcakes taste a little better after spending time in the fridge. But you need to eat them within a week, or the frosting will start to turn nasty. A chocolate cupcake pairs nicely with a chilled raspberry Zinger. Those two are the Lennon and McCartney of snack cakes.

4. Donettes (crumb cake version): The perfect mid-morning snack. Six mini-doughnuts, six bites, one happy fella.

5. Apple Fruit Pies: At one time, these ranked a little higher, but for some reason in recent years, it appears Hostess has cut back on the glazed frosting.

6. Ho-Hos: Another product that is even more scrumptious when chilled. I can eat a whole box in the span of a two-hour movie. These babies put the "Ho" in Hostess.

7. Golden cupcakes: These are the ones with the chocolate frosting and "golden" bottoms. These are equally good with or without slight refrigeration.

8. Donettes (chocolate covered): Non-chilled, they don't make the top 10, but when chilled, they are dy-no-mite. Hint: never buy the small six-packs. Go for the $2 bag. For some reason, they taste better. Must be something to do with the more-is-merrier philosophy.

9. Donettes (powdered sugar): When fresh -- and out of the $2 bag -- they are top-five material, but the only problem is they seem to go stale much quicker than either the chocolate or crumb cake offerings.

10. Blueberry mini-muffins: Just enough berry taste to keep you from getting blue.

I'm sure you notice that Twinkies and Snoballs are not included in the top 10. I apologize to all fellow Hostess connoisseurs, but those two have never worked for me. They are the only two Hostess products I don't care for, but if it means saving the company, my taste buds can adapt.

In the meantime ... raspberry Zinger, anyone?



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