A week from tomorrow, all sorts of little ghosts and goblins will be parading around neighborhoods doing their trick or treating.
Halloween is a glorious time to be a kid. You get to go door-to-door, threatening your neighbor to give you a treat or else fear the consequences. Since most neighbors are compliant, you get to bring hope a bag full of candy. Those neighbors that give out the cruddy candy are blackballed for life.
Those of you who give out candy, don't be fooled. The kids in the neighborhood compare notes. Don't be the guy who gives out celery. Buck up for a little chocolate. And if you give out the good stuff, the kids will know. Word on the street is strong.
Adults also enjoy the Halloween fun, something I never realized until I got older. Just like the kid seeking the good candy, Halloween party-goers are expecting top-notch holiday entertainment. Come strong, party host, or don't come at all.
Outside of the candy (and liquid refreshments when you're older), what you dress up as is just as important. You have to have a cool costume. Here's my list of what to wear and what not to wear during this year's tour of the neighborhood or trek to your annual Halloween party:
Do dress like:
º A binder. But only if you're a woman. This costume comes on the heels of Mitt Romney's remark during last week's debate that he looked at "binders full of women" to find candidates for job openings. This could be easy to pull off, too. A couple of cardboard boxes and some string should do the trick.
º Heisenberg. The main character in AMC's "Breaking Bad" is known as Walter White, but he's Heisenberg to the drug underworld that he controls. I'm only through the second season of the show and am hooked. This is another easy one. A black porkpie hat, black coat and a pair of sunglass, and you're set.
º Pete Kozma. As a kid, I alternated between going out as a football player or a basketball player, switching back and forth from Walter Payton and Michael Jordan. Kozma has gone from nearly being axed off the St. Louis Cardinals' roster to being this year's postseason darling as the team's starting shortstop. Find that old Albert Pujols No. 5 shirt you have and turn the "5" into a "38" and slap a piece of duct tape with "Kozma" over Pujols' name.
º McKayla Maroney. This one will take some explaining, and you'll look like you're pouting all night. The U.S. gymnast pouted on the medal stand as she accepted the silver she won in the vault during the London Olympics. She won gold, too, with the team, but her cold persona made her a target of haters on various social media platforms. All you need is red, white, and blue clothing and a little Reynolds Wrap to make that silver medal.
Do not dress like:
º Honey Boo Boo. Anything that can be done to stop the Honey Boo Boo express is appreciated. Sadly, the folks in charge of the reality TV show on The Learning Channel have ordered up extra episodes, including specials for Halloween and Christmas.
º Tim Tebow: Anyone who dares watch ESPN gets enough of the New York Jets' backup quarterback. The hype machine is way to much on Tebow. No need to put your kid in a Tebow jersey or try to stuff yourself into one of those green No. 15 jerseys.
º Tan Mom: You might remember her from earlier this year. Patricia Krentcil of New Jersey was charged with child endangerment after she allegedly put her 5-year-old child in a tanning booth. When Krentcil made the talk-show circuit after being charged, she was scary tan. This costume is easy enough with bronzer, but you may just cross a line that you don't want to come close to.
º Any Jersey Shore cast member. In case you haven't heard, this is the last season of the MTV show. Who knows what lies ahead for The Situation, JWoww and Co. Just don't be that guy or gal who looks back 10 years from now on in your Facebook photo file of your dopey costume of DJ Pauly D.