EIGHINGER: Hibernating for the winter? Not these morons

Posted: Mar. 5, 2013 4:08 pm Updated: Apr. 2, 2013 5:15 pm


Just because it's winter does not mean stupid behavior goes into hibernation. I think the latest edition of "Morons of the Month" proves that.

Here are three incidents that help answer the question about what happens when not all of a person's common-sense brain cells are working in unison:


Bronze medal

Maybe the next time Christopher Sharp wants to impress a girl, he'll just buy her flowers or take her out to dinner.

Sharp, a 37-year-old Florida resident, thought his job as a pizza delivery guy was not the most impressive vocation in the eyes of his girlfriend. But instead of landing better employment, Sharp stole a Pasco County sheriff's deputy uniform and for five months pretended to be employed as a police officer to impress his friends, family and girlfriend.

Actual law enforcement officials in the Tampa area eventually got wind of Sharp and began to investigate. When police confronted him, he admitted he was just trying to impress his girlfriend.

He was arrested on charges of impersonating an officer.

The most amazing thing about this is might not have been that he got away with this for five months, but that his girlfriend was not suspicious. Wouldn't you think she would have -- at least once -- wondered, among other things, why he was driving around town in his own car in a police uniform and not in a police vehicle? I think the unnamed girlfriend should share this award.


Silver medal

This moronic activity probably falls somewhere between brotherly love and sibling rivalry.

Two brothers in the San Francisco area, whose names were not released, were recently injured -- for stabbing each other in the head. The head!

When police arrived on the scene -- after receiving a report of a man with a knife -- they found not one, but two men bleeding from the head inside an apartment.

The two men, who police later discovered were brothers, were taken to a nearby hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. According to police, the brothers had gotten into a verbal altercation that escalated into a knife fight. They were both arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.

Their mother must have been so proud.


Gold medal

Something tells me Emanuel Amakura of Northern California did not think his would-be crime all the way through.

Amakura was arrested at San Francisco International Airport after he allegedly tried smuggling 2.5 pounds of cocaine-filled pellets in his stomach. He was reportedly stopped by U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents because he was having trouble walking as he tried to board a flight to Japan.

For the record, Amakura had swallowed 100 thumb-sized pellets. His "plan" was either to "pass the pills" on the plane and re-swallow them "or just hope he didn't get busted," law enforcement officials said.

That "re-swallow" part is especially disturbing.

It was no wonder Amakura was stopped because he was having trouble navigating his way through the airport. The guy had 2.5 pounds of cocaine in him. It's a wonder he could move at all.

Homeland Security took Amakura into custody and took him to a nearby hospital, where he "passed the pills," which tested positive for cocaine. Amakura is facing all sorts of drug-related charges.

They're all criminals. They're all stupid. But they sure can be entertaining.




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