EIGHINGER: 'Bad decisions make good stories' and other truths about adults

Posted: Mar. 16, 2013 5:31 pm Updated: Apr. 13, 2013 6:15 pm


One of the great things about being a reporter is all the emails and phone calls you get from readers. Some are hilarious, most are informative, a few are filed and forgotten.

One correspondence a few days ago still has me laughing. A reader we'll call "Guido" sent me a list of "adult truths" that should be required reading for anyone who is -- or ever has been -- married or counts themselves as an adult.

Here are samplings of Guido's adult truths, with personal thoughts attached:

º Nothing's worse than the moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Oh man, we have all been there. My rule of thumb is to prolong the conversation as long as possible and hope the other guy (or gal) tires from exhaustion. If the argument is with your wife, however, throw up the white flag and simply beg for mercy.

º Bad decisions make good stories.

Hey, that's always my motto.

Like the time a couple of weeks ago when our washer was not working and I took a load of clothes to a local laundromat. Those of you who know me understand my inability to work anything mechanical. Those who don't normally find out pretty darn quick.

The manager of the laundromat stopped me just before I poured a lot of detergent into a dryer. "Oh, sorry," I said. "I thought it was a washing machine." Her eyes never left me for the next two hours.

º You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive the rest of the day.

I have never, ever experienced that.

(I know my boss and my wife are both reading this. On second thought, who am I fooling? My wife knows me too well.)

º Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don't want to have to start my collection again.

I wholeheartedly agree, and we could add "CD" to the list, too. Raise your hand if you have spent way too much money through the years moving from vinyl to cassette to CD? Thankfully, I missed eight tracks, but I still have enough Rod Stewart albums, cassettes and CDs to fill an entire storage unit.

º I totally take back all the times I didn't want to take a nap when I was younger.

Amen to this. The older I get, the more I realize what a wonderful thing a nap can be, not only in the afternoon, but in the evening or morning, too. Men have the uncanny ability to take a nap while watching one of those 500-mile NASCAR races or a ballgame -- and still not miss any of the action. It's just one of those God-given abilities.

Men, you know it's true, because as soon as your wife tries to change the channel with the remote, you know it.

º How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Seriously, I have tried to figure that out for years, ever since The Little Woman decided my half of the laundry responsibility was the "folding" aspect.

There is no possible way to fold those things. I usually get to the point where I just wad them up and shove them under a pile of big towels in one of the bathroom-related cabinets. They eventually flatten out that way. A few days later I move them to the closet where my wife expects to find them and she thinks I'm a bloody genius.

Who am I to argue with her?




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