Each month my faith is restored in the predictability of the human race.
Every 30-day period there are people who do great things. There are also people who say great things.
And then there are those who do neither. Those are the ones we are concerned most with when it comes time to select our "Morons of the Month."
Granted, we all do dumb things, some more than others. And no fair asking my wife as to which category I might belong.
But what separates the everyday, run-of-the-mill nitwit from those who go above and beyond to stand out in the area of questionable behavior is their ability to do so on a big stage. Or doing something that catapults them on to the big stage. Those people, my friends, earn their positions with other "Morons of the Month" and continue to help legitimize comedian Ron White's theory of "You Can't Fix Stupid."
I'm proud to present the latest class of "Morons of the Month":
A man named Mitchell Deslatte in Baton Rouge, La., had downed a few too many alcoholic beverages. On his way home he decided it would be a good idea to stop at a motel and get a room.
Deslatte parked his car and walked into what he thought was a Baton Rouge motel and asked the clerk for a room. He then discovered the clerk was not a clerk -- he was a state trooper. And the "hotel" was actually a state trooper station.
That's when Deslatte was arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated.
Don't you think he should have been a little suspicious when there was no "vacancy" sign out front?
Scottish shoplifter Aron Morrison was arrested after he shoplifted a bottle of vodka from a liquor store. He was arrested soon afterward.
It seems Morrison left his name and phone number behind after asking the clerk out on a date.
Hopefully, the clerk will at least write to him while he's incarcerated.
Those who are regular readers will know about my feelings concerning Florida and "Morons of the Month." The state seems to produce an uncanny amount of them. The latest case in point:
Justin MacGilfrey, a 19-year-old Daytona, Fla., resident, entered a store and pointed his index finger -- yes, you read that right
He then cocked his thumb and demanded all the money in the register.
The clerk assumed it was some sort of a prank. But MacGilfrey, who has pleaded not guilty to robbery, was serious.
A published report of what happened next went like this:
"After determining the finger wasn't loaded, the clerk emerged from behind the register. That's when the finger-slinger holstered his digit and ran from the store. He was later arrested and, presumably, fingerprinted."
Once again, thank you, Florida.