Remember a few years ago when Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson teamed up for that delightful "Bucket List" movie? Their aging characters in the film put together a to-do list of things they wanted to accomplish before they died, or "kicked the bucket."
Shortly afterward, it seemed everyone was creating their own personal bucket list. The term itself became a part of our vernacular, and has remained a popular theme for conversation and written verse ever since.
I was one of those who jumped on the bucket list bandwagon, but with a twist. I also offered an anti-bucket list, or things I never wanted to do before I kicked the bucket. Translation: For every thing I wanted to accomplish before Judgment Day, I presented a task or goal I had no interest in achieving.
This was an example from my original bucket and anti-bucket lists from 2011:
º Bucket list: Win the lottery. I have read all of those horror stories about how winning $10 million ruined some people's lives. I can promise you I would not be included among them.
º Anti-bucket list: Sail around the world. This is an even worse idea than skydiving. First of all, what could possibly be romantic or adventurous about being in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean in a postage stamp-size boat when you can't swim? I'm not a big fan of water in general -- outside of a morning shower -- and besides, I hear Wi-Fi is not available in the middle of the Atlantic.
When I looked back over my bucket list from two years ago, I quickly noticed in the past 24 months I did not accomplish any of my bucket list goals. Not one. Nada. Nyet.
I did not get to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY., did not become a judge on "American Idol," did not meet Rod Stewart or visit the birthplace of Baskin-Robbins ice cream. There were a few others, but I think you get the idea.
But I did accomplish not doing all of the anti-bucket items. I did not skydive, hike across Zimbabwe or run a marathon. And I can pretty much guarantee I never will.
When I saw "Bucket List" playing recently on one of the movie channels, it occurred to me I needed to update both lists, so here are some additions:
º Bucket list: Buy the Quincy Gems to assure summertime baseball remains in Quincy. All I need to do is win the lottery.
º Anti-bucket list: Build a rail fence around my property and paint it white. Neither of these will be a problem not doing.
º Bucket list: Manage the Quincy Gems after I buy them, which comes after I win the lottery. (I should say manage the Gems at home. I don't like to travel, so I'll be happy to split managerial duties with Chris Martin.)
º Anti-bucket list: Figure out how the internal combustion engine works. (This from a guy who can barely put gas in his car.)
º Bucket list: Return to my baseball-playing weight in high school. (This could be tough. I've gained a whole human being since my prep days.)
º Anti-bucket list: Do a cartwheel. (Physically, I think that would probably be next to impossible.)
º Bucket list: Sing the national anthem at a public event, with Bruce Springsteen and Rod Stewart providing backup. (That way, when I forget the words, there will still be someone singing.)
º Anti-bucket list: Run with the bulls at Pamplona. (Well, maybe walk with the bulls. I no longer run.)
º Bucket list: Learn how to play the tuba. (So I could dot the "i" in "Script Ohio" at an Ohio State football game.)
º Anti-bucket list: Become a vegetarian. (Nothing against the vegetarians, more power to them. But I need hamburgers and fries.)
º Bucket list: Be cast as a zombie -- OK, a big zombie -- during an episode of "The Walking Dead." (I might even prefer this to being a judge on "American Idol.")
º Anti-bucket list: Be cast as the guy on a "Sister Wives" spinoff. (Even the thought of that scares me.)
Or maybe I could just kill two birds with one stone and be a zombie on "Sister Wives."