In the spirit of Halloween, here's our trick-or-treat version of "Morons of the Month." Some folks with questionable intentions turned incredibly stupid tricks for our treat.
Ladies and gentlemen, this month's award winners:
This is the kind of thing you see happen on "Law and Order: SUV" or one of the other TV police dramas, but never actually materialize in real life. But it did in York County in Pennsylvania, where police say a man burglarized a home, but left something very traceable behind.
A York County family returned home late one night this month and found its home had been burglarized. Electronics items and other household treasures had been pilfered -- but there was hope for recovery.
The thief had left behind his cellphone, which in this day and age is likely more valuable than fingerprints or DNA.
Law enforcement officials quickly traced the cellphone to 22-year-old Keenan Pleasant. Police went to his home and found him asleep in the basement -- with the stolen materials a few feet away.
After Pleasant was arrested, police asked him where his cellphone was. He said he didn't know. (Yeah, you can insert the laugh track right about here.)
This entry would be a gold-medal effort in many months, and it comes from Illinois. One published report of this incident labeled it "stunning idiocy," and it would be hard to argue that claim.
Estellamarie Ruiz, a 29-year-old mother in Chicago, was at a gas station -- with her kids in her van -- when she noticed the owner of the car beside her at the pump had left her wallet in the car while paying inside. So she stole it.
The victim returned to her vehicle and noticed her wallet gone and quickly called the police. Responding officers were told by the owner of the car she saw a green van pulling away as she returned from paying for her gasoline.
Some quick work by the police found one of the victim's credit cards had been used a few minutes after the estimated time of the theft -- at a McDonald's across the street from the gas station.
When police went across the street to the McDonald's parking lot, they found the suspected green van, along with Ruiz and her kids eating inside of it. Her receipt was matched to the stolen credit.
Ruiz was charged with felony identity theft, misuse of a credit card and illegally conducting criminal activities.
The victim's wallet was recovered in a nearby garbage container.
Ruiz might have had a better chance of pulling off the crime if she had gotten that order to go.
Donald Gartner of Port Richey, Fla., was an easy winner this month. Gartner, 48, was arrested twice in one night for a variety of offenses. He started out by downing a six-pack of beer and a handful of Oxycontin, then getting arrested for causing a disturbance at his neighbor's house.
Deputies found Gartner crawling out from under the bushes at his neighbor's house, according to reports. His shorts were sagging low on his waste -- and on backward. A witness claimed Gartner had been relieving himself in the bushes. Witnesses also claimed Gartner banged on his neighbor's door, broke the glass panel of a porch light and then ripped the light's electrical wiring out of the wall.
After being released from jail a few hours later, Gartner was arrested again for trying to break into cars in the visitors' parking lot of the jail he was just released from. A deputy had watched this bit of criminal activity unfold and Gartner found himself behind bars again -- where he remains awaiting court appearances on numerous crimes.
Of all the things this guy did that night -- and, believe me, this is a condensed version -- I'm still puzzled how his shorts got on backward.