EIGHINGER: In hindsight, that speeding ticket probably doesn't look so bad

Posted: Aug. 2, 2014 6:10 pm Updated: Oct. 25, 2014 9:15 pm

Potato chips, floating refuse and a case of extremely poor judgment are the themes in the latest edition of "Morons of the Month":

Bronze medal

A 25-year-old Japanese fan of Asian singing star Nana Mizuki recently took his devotion a bit too far.

A Japanese snack company called Calbee was giving away 10 backstage passes for an upcoming concert to purchasers of 10 lucky bags of secretly marked potato chips.

Kuzuki Fukumoto of Yokohama is perhaps Mizuki's best fan. He was so determined to get one of the backstage passes that he spent the equivalent of $3,000 buying bags of the potato chips.

Fukumoto was ultimately arrested after buying and opening 89 cartons of the potato chips. He dumped the equivalent of 400 pounds of garbage at six Yokohama locations.

Bad news No. 1: Fukumodo reportedly did not get one of the passes.

Bad news No. 2: Fukumodo was arrested -- for littering.

Silver medal

There's a good chance the Brazilian Olympic Committee will earn a gold medal in this space a couple of years from now. For now, we'll give the committee a silver medal simply for lack of effort.

The sailing events at the 2016 Summer Olympics will be held on Rio de Janeiro's Guanabara Bay, but dire warnings have been issued about "the filthy, squalid condition of the bay and the near impossibility of a timely cleanup," according to numerous published reports.

A New York Times reporter, in a May story leading up to the start of the recent World Cup, cited car tires, floating mattresses, dog carcasses, a partly submerged sofa and free-flowing, untreated raw sewage in the bay. Brazilian officials had promised five years ago the bay would be cleaned up prior to the World Cup, but it was never touched.

Oh, and a Brazilian sailor admitted that he had personally seen four human corpses in the bay.

Gold medal

Veteran readers of this column probably know I point out from time to time that there seems to be an extraordinary amount of "medal winners" from the state of Florida. I have no explanation or reasoning, but Flori-DUH is always well-represented over the course of the year in "Morons of the Month."

It's people like Julius Lupowitz that seem to keep Florida in constant gold-medal contention.

Lupowitz, of West Melbourne, is accused of calling 911 to say that a murder was about to take place to help him get out of a relatively minor traffic violation. Lupowotz had been stopped for speeding, and while the police officer had returned to his car to do the paperwork, Lupowitz called 911 to report a would-be murder in hopes that the officer who stopped him would respond to the priority call and disregard the traffic violation.

Lupowitz is heard in the call saying there was a man with a gun and that someone was going to get shot -- and then the call is disconnected.

A local TV station reported that "a quick-thinking Brevard County Sheriff's Office dispatcher did a search for prior incidents associated with the telephone number the 911 calls came from to find the phone belonged to Lupowitz."

"When she broadcast that information, our officer was standing at the door of Mr. Lupowitz' vehicle and realized it was the same person making the 911 calls," a West Melbourne Police Department spokesman said.

Police said Lupowitz would have only received a $209 speeding fine, but now he faces a third-degree felony charge for misuse of the 911 process, a charge that could land him in jail for up to five years if convicted.

He still received the speeding ticket, too.


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