First in a three-part series on three area people who are recovering from mental illness.

By KELLY WILSON
Herald-Whig Staff Writer

Vicki Laack had a master's degree and was working as a licensed clinical social worker on a psychiatric unit when her world began to fall apart.

She had what she describes as "a break."

That break was the beginning of her journey with mental illness, a journey that took her along some of the ugliest and darkest paths. But Laack finally found her way out of the darkness and is on a new path.

She is on the road to recovery.

"You can manage your illness, or it will manage you," she said. "There is hope. There is life after mental illness. It is a day-to-day battle. But I just want people to know there is hope."

'I just wanted to die'

Laack was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a manic-depressive illness, about 10 years ago, although her current psychiatrist recently told her that the proper diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, schizoaffective disorder is a combination of schizophrenia and a mood disorder, with the delusions, hallucinations, disorganized speech or disorganized behavior of schizophrenia, along with a period of major depression or a manic episode.

"I grew up in a dysfunctional family, but what triggered my break was I was going through a painful divorce, and I just snapped," Laack said. "I was acting inappropriately at work. I was loud. I dressed inappropriately. My judgment suffered. My parenting skills suffered. Specifically, I was not strict enough in setting limits and disciplining my son.

"One day, I took off driving across the state of Illinois when I was psychotic and I was hospitalized in Springfield and diagnosed."

She had a long string of hospitalizations after that.

"I just wasn't getting better. I blew up to 300 pounds because of my medications and because I was using food for comfort," Laack said. "I was living in squalor and filth. It wasn't right for my son to be in those surroundings."

She would have periods of depression and periods of mania. Although she had a master's degree in social work, Laack suffered from an extremely low self-esteem. At one point, "I just wanted to die, literally."

Getting her life back

About four years ago, Laack started seeing "an excellent psychiatrist" at Blessing Behavioral Center, started taking new medication and continued counseling at Transitions of Western Illinois. She also started exercising.

The combination has worked wonders.

"The services I've had are some of the most professional I've had," Laack said. "They have helped me so much."

Laack not only credits Transitions and her psychiatrist at Blessing for helping her get her life back, but also God and her church.

"God has played a great part in my recovery, and I've been blessed with people from my church," she said. She attends First Union Congregational Church.

In addition, she calls the walkers at the Quincy Mall her "support group." Walking regularly at the mall has helped her lose 140 pounds and feel better about herself.

"I started taking care of myself physically," she said. "When you walk or exercise, it stimulates endorphins. I don't miss a day now. I just feel so good."

Her transformation on the outside slowly was mirrored by a transformation on the inside. She began to gain confidence, dedicated herself to recovery and started to get her life back.

While she admits that recovery is "a day-to-day battle," she says she now has the tools and the support to cope with life's difficulties before escalating out of control.

Several months ago, Transitions helped Laack get the first job that she's had in eight years, work as a housekeeper at Sycamore Healthcare Centre.

"I had no self-confidence and they helped me get a job," she said. "The supervisor (at Sycamore) was willing to give me a chance. I was very proud to get my first paycheck."

She adored the residents of the nursing home, and said working there was like therapy for her.

But Laack's ultimate goal was to get back into the social work profession, and in July she was given a big break by the organization that already has helped so much in her recovery.

Transitions offered her a job as a mental health recovery specialist.

"I have accepted the position and am very excited about it," she said. She started the job last week.

Offering hope to others

In her new job, Laack will work with individuals to help them develop recovery goals and work on achieving those goals.

She also will facilitate groups that work on the development of recovery skills with topics such as how to increase socialization, how to deal with symptoms, how to manage crisis more effectively and how to be a self-advocate.

Alan Obert, coordinator of behavioral health services at Transitions, is excited for Laack to be a part of the team.

"What is probably the most important aspect of this position is that it gives consumers the chance to work with and partner with someone who has a true understanding of their situation," Obert said. "Like any life challenge, being connected to someone who has had a similar experience can be both comforting, as well as extremely helpful with getting through the situation.

"Also, seeing someone who has struggled work through that struggle and achieve his or her goals can be a source of hope and belief that they, too, can get through the challenges they are facing."

Laack wants to help others, not just in her new job, but by spreading the word about mental illness and recovery, trying to crush the unwarranted stigma associated with mental illness that often is a barrier to getting treatment.

"There are people who have severe mental illnesses who are standing up and talking about recovery," Laack said. "Just because you have a mental illness does not mean you're a hopeless case. It's amazing the success stories out there."

Laack definitely is one of them.

-- kwilson@whig.com/221-3391