Steve Eighinger

Vomit-flavored jellybeans, anyone?

By Herald-Whig
Posted: Oct. 17, 2018 2:05 pm

For some, the Halloween season brings thoughts of scary-looking pumpkins and witches on brooms.

For me, I have visions of Milky Ways, Kit Kats and Hershey bars dancing in my head.

Growing up, my three favorite holidays were always Christmas, New Year's (or, to some, National Football Day) and Halloween. Actually, as an alleged adult, those are still my three favorite holidays -- unless I'm permitted to count opening day of baseball season.

Speaking of Halloween, I recently stumbled across some candy-related information provided by a number of different websites specializing in oddball treats. The term "oddball" may be a severe understatement, as you will soon find out.

It would be a safe bet that none of the ensuing "treats" will ever find their way into the Eighinger household on Halloween -- or any other day.

These were my top five picks for the world's strangest candies that I can guarantee I will never trade a Milky Way for:

1. "Bertie Bott's Beans": These jellybeans boast such interesting flavors as "vomit," "rotten egg" and "ear wax." (Keep reading. Ear wax seems to be a common theme in bad taste.)

2. "Ear Wax Candy": It is manufactured to resemble a chunk of ear wax that you have to pull out of a fake ear with a Q-tip. "You dip in your plastic swab, scoop out some ear goop and lick away," reads one advertisement. (Seriously, I'm not kidding.)

3. "Box of Boogers": I'll just let this promotional piece speak for itself -- "Each individual booger looks and feels real." (Once again, this is a real product.)

4. "Lick Your Wounds Candy": "Have you ever found yourself wearing a Band-Aid and wishing you could pull it off and lick a piece of candy underneath? Well, now you can with these delightful candy scabs," writes Rick Bitzman for "Underneath the pad of a typical Band-Aid is a lollipop-style hard candy."

5. "Durian Candy": A common confection in Southeast Asia, this candy made from Durian fruit boasts a terrible taste and a nostril-melting stench, which has been described as "oniony with a hint of sweaty gym socks." The nasty smell, in fact, has led some Asian cities to ban both the fruit and the candy from being consumed in public places.

Honorable mention

"Tequila Lollipop": You know how Tootsie Pops have a little Tootsie Roll core at the center? The Food Network reports these novelty lollipops up the ante by putting a dead scorpion in their middle, punctuating the tequila-flavored candy "that replicates the taste in one's mouth upon waking up in a Tijuana gutter."

Pass the Milky Ways. Please.