Mum's the Word

Yes, elves can make all the difference

Posted: Dec. 5, 2018 10:50 pm Updated: Dec. 7, 2018 1:07 pm

It's that time of year again.

"Why has Barbara's elf already come to her house but ours hasn't?"

Great question. It's because Barbara's mother is a ... she's pushy and made a call. That's why. And I heard Barbara's elf is really shady and sneaks vegetable puree into everything, so why don't you be grateful you elves are chill?

Our elves come when the Christmas decorations go up. That way they know we are ready for them. I may have had to repeat this explanation a thousand times before I caved and just went ahead and pulled out the Christmas supplies.

And yes, we decorated before December. Whatever. I had time and helpers and all of you haters can back off and eat some Halloween candy. I'm not trying to ruin your fall, Janet!

Anyway, Gunner Sugar-Buns and the other one, I can't remember the name of, are here and as I ponder where I'm going to hide these ... fun guys, I remember I have a helper. It's my first year of having a helper in the house. Last year, there was, quite literally, a come to Jesus meeting. Tears were shed, the truth was demanded and although the explanation was an eloquent well-delivered piece that should have been a made-for-TV special, it still hurt to see childhood die a death.

I mean, I saw it coming on a crimson wave a mile away. She's already wearing all of my clothes, but still.

Silver lining: Now we are on Team Santa together, and it's fun to see her excited to help and watch the others enjoy the elfish shenanigans. I'm wondering what other Christmas chores she can help me with. Considering she's forgot to move the elves the last two days, maybe not much. I may still need to set an elf alarm and review my reasons for why the elves didn't move. The twins were less than impressed with, "They must really like that spot."

So, here's to all of the elves. The real, the imaginary, the helpers and circus coordinators. 'Tis the season.


P.S.: It's not I that killed autumn. I'm pretty sure Mother Nature took care of that with subzero temperatures and the half foot of snow she dropped on us. What we thought was a fluke snow a few weeks ago is now the norm, and we should all probably just accept the fact that it's winter and stop complaining. Remember, the elves are watching.