Steve Eighinger

Who knows, the idea could be an udder success

By Herald-Whig
Posted: Mar. 5, 2019 12:01 am Updated: Mar. 6, 2019 10:20 am

It's time for our "Morons of the Month" feature, and I must say, this might be one of the strangest collection of medal winners ever assembled.

Bronze medal

One account of would-be criminal Anthony Sorrells' poor decision-making may have said it best:

"Yeah, you're a special kind of stupid," wrote Michael Gibson of Townsquare Media about Sorrells, an 18-year-old Chicago resident.

Sorrells stole a cellphone and additional items -- at gun point, no less -- but was later tracked down with relative ease.

It seems Sorrells had placed an order for food delivery from the victim's phone, which by that time police already were monitoring. Sorrells ultimately was arrested and denied bail after it was discovered he recently had been released on bond for a burglary charge. Oh, and he also was in the process of having a bullet removed from a shooting.

No argument about that all adding up to a special kind of stupid.

Silver medal

WPLG, an ABC television station in southern Florida, said that not only did Yvelande Jean-Pierre, 29, think it would be wise to break into a Boynton Beach police station, but she topped it off by eating an officer's lunch once she was inside.

According to the police report, the lunch Jean-Pierre stole was chicken and asparagus. And no, Jean-Pierre did not eat the vegetables.

Jean-Pierre proved easy to find after she inadvertently left her wallet and Florida ID outside the station. She later was located and arrested on the charge of criminal mischief.

No reason was provided why Jean-Pierre thought it was a good idea to break into the police station in the first place.

Gold medal

OK, this simply might be more humorous than moronic. I'll let my agricultural buddies cast the deciding vote.

Reuters reports there is now a Tinder-inspired app that is helping European farmers match up potential partners for their cattle. It's called "Tudder" -- a combo of the words Tinder, a dating app, and udder.

Farmers are directed to the SellMyLivestock website where they can browse pictures and data about the animals before deciding whether to buy. Information like milk yield and calving potential is provided by Doug Bairner, CEO of Hectare Agritech, which runs SellMyLivestock.

"Matching livestock online is even easier than it is to match humans because there's a huge amount of data that sits behind these wonderful animals that predicts what their offspring will be," Bairner said.

Launched just prior to Valentine's Day, the makers believe Tudder is the first-ever matchmaking app for livestock.

Moronic or genius? We should know by next Valentine's Day.