Steve Eighinger

'I don't try to annoy people, it's just a gift'

By Herald-Whig
Posted: Sep. 19, 2019 12:01 am

Our monthly tribute to the wackiness -- and tackiness -- of Facebook is back for Vol. II.

Names have been removed to protect the innocent, or guilty, depending on the post.

These are our favorites for September:

"My wife said I never listen to her ... or something like that."

My thought: I listen to everything The Little Woman says, but that's not necessarily synonymous with remembering everything she says.

"Who's ready for cool weather and a big pot of chili?"

My thought: Cool weather? Yes? Cold weather? No. Chili? Always.

"One week until fall."

My thought: Even though football season has arrived, which, of course, is the first true sign of fall, it's not officially autumn until that first morning when you need to wear a sweatshirt.

"You know it's fall in Florida when the license plate colors begin to change."

My thought: I'll have to ask Bill Adam about that.

"Never underestimate a woman who understands football."

My thought: I've never really had to deal with that.

"I don't try to annoy people, it's just a gift."

My thought: My wife of almost 21 years, Kathy, often asks me if I am trying to do just that -- annoy her. And on more than one occasion, I have replied, "No, it's just a gift." True story.

"How to eat candy corn: 1. Open bag. 2. Pour candy corn into garbage can. 3. Eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup."

My thought: Does anyone truly like candy corn?

"Good judgment comes from experience. And experience? Well, that comes from poor judgment."

My thought: I would have to honestly say I am quite experienced.

"They say 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40. All I know is the older I get the more 9 p.m. is the new midnight."

My thought: More evenings than not, 9 p.m. seems to be nap time in the mancave -- a quick siesta so I can stay awake for the second half of whatever game I am watching.

"Being old doesn't seem so old now that I AM old."

My thought: I wake up every day feeling like a 20-year-old, then reality resurfaces when I notice the gray hair and feel the assorted aches and pains. But inside, I'm still that 20-year-old!

"I'm so old I remember when multiplication was called 'times tables.'"

My thought: OK, now I feel even older.

"Stop complaining about your life. There are literally people who are Miami Dolphins fans."

My thought: I feel their pain. I'm a Browns fan.

"The youngest sibling is usually the most good looking and the smartest."

My comment: I was born 16 years after my brother. Just sayin'.

"Never underestimate a grandmother who listens to Bob Seger."

My thought: Or Rod Stewart.

"We repair what your husband fixed."

My thought: This is an actual repair slogan on the side of a van. I forwarded it to my wife.

"Just pour the coffee and back away slowly."

My comment: No, this post was not from my wife.

"You can tell Halloween is just around the corner because Walmart is bringing out their Christmas stuff."

My thought: This would be even funnier if not so true.

"Be yourself. People don't have to like you. And you don't have to care."

My thought: That seems like the perfect way to way to end today's column. See you again on Tuesday.