Steve Eighinger

Facebook's best for February provides the usual amount of hilarity

By Herald-Whig
Posted: Feb. 25, 2020 12:01 am

Here's some sound advice I'm sure many of you have come to realize.

If it's about 15 minutes before you're ready to turn in for the night, do not -- under any circumstances -- decide to take one last addictive scroll on Facebook.

There's a good chance an hour later that you will still be scrolling. We all know how hard it is to turn away from all of the daily notes, quotes, anecdotes and misinformation.

Maybe it's just me, but some of the most interesting findings always seem come on those late-night treasure hunts. That's why it's so hard to put down your phone or turn off your laptop.

I would guess I came across the majority of the following posts on some of those late-night scrolling sessions in search of our monthly offerings for the most entertaining Facebook posts. Here's my picks for February:

"Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie."

My thought: Check. Check.

"I always start the day with good intentions. Then I get out of bed, and that's usually where it all goes wrong."

My thought: Yep, there are days when I know things will not be going well before my feet even hit the floor.

"So when you get older, do old people become attractive to you? Like when I'm 70 ... are 70-year-old men gonna look hot?"

My thought: Ladies, check back with me in four years. I'm just 66.

"Mom learns the hard way to let spray tan dry before breastfeeding."

My thought: This was actually a headline and not a comment, and I'm sure whatever you are thinking right now is accurate.

"You never appreciate what you have till it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example."

My thought: Let's be honest. Any post with toilet paper in it has a 50-50 shot at being hilarious.

"I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy ... but so far it's not 27."

My thought: I'd say my over/under is usually around 30.

"So my 12-year-old son would like to know, ‘Why can't girls just tell you what's bothering them or what they want?'"

My thought: If that were my son, I would inform him, "As old as I am, I still have no clue." Absolutely none.

"It is better to have a friend with two chins ... than to have one with two faces."

My thought: Funny, but downright poignant.

"Dill pickle lip balm exists now and my life is complete."

My thought: My gag reflex was activated the moment I read that.

"Ah, so much to do. So little desire to do it."

My thought: I know the feeling, all too well. And my wife will back me up on that.

"Tupac once said, ‘Just because you lost me as a friend doesn't mean you gained me as an enemy. I'm bigger than that. I still wanna see you eat. Just not at my table.' "

My thought: No smart-aleck comment here, just a nod o' the head. Not bad, Tupac. Not bad.