Steve Eighinger

Turkey Dinner Candy Corn? Wow. Just wow.

By Herald-Whig
Posted: Aug. 13, 2020 6:00 pm Updated: Aug. 13, 2020 9:42 pm

Just when we thought 2020 could not possibly get any stranger.

Brach's candy company, which is headquartered in Oakbrook Terrace, Ill., has released a new bag of its familiar candy corn called — I hope you are sitting down while reading this — the "Turkey Dinner Candy Corn," inspired by what it says is a typical Thanksgiving dinner.

Say what?

The flavors include roasted turkey, green beans, ginger-glazed carrot, sweet potato pie and cranberry sauce.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

The new candy corn option is now available in some stores, according to the company. A 12-ounce bag costs $2.99.

According to a recent review on Instagram, each flavor has a different color combination and some flavors "aren't too bad."

We'll see about that.

Candy corn is bad enough to begin with, let alone when it may test like sweet potato pie.

Worst candies

There's a real good chance this Turkey Dinner Candy Corn will eventually find its place among the worst-ever candy ideas. We'll officially hold our tongue on that matter until we can taste some of it, but I'm guessing it will soon crack the following top 10 of nasty confectioneries:

1. Good and Plenty: I am convinced it is only a rumor that there are some people in this world who actually like black licorice. I would rather eat a box of tar bits, which is actually what Good and Plenty is.

"They are not good, but you do get plenty," reasons feature writer Marisa Blankenship.

2. Candy corn: This tasty little entry — yes, I'm kidding — will probably soon have a new family member to join it in this ranking. The spoonuniversity.com website claims candy corn is the most hated candy in the nation. I wouldn't argue, although I'd still give Good and Plenty the gold medal.

3. Necco Wafers: Digesting a roll of these things is akin to eating a bottle of Tums.

4. Circus peanuts: I get physically ill even thinking about circus peanuts. In fact, as a child, I did get physically ill after eating too many of them. The last circus peanut I ate was in 1968.

5. Heath Bars, smack-size or otherwise: Each Snack-sized mini-Heath Bar contains more fat than a McDonald's Chicken Nugget — and zero protein. Plus, eating a Heath Bar of any size is like trying to chew a piece of concrete.

6. Twizzlers: Another member of the licorice family. Have you seen those Chevy Chase "Christmas Vacation" movies that feature Cousin Eddie? This is the confectionery version of Cousin Eddie.

7. Hershey's Take 5 Bar: Combines chocolate, pretzels, peanut butter, caramel, and peanuts -- and something called carrageenan, which is made from seaweed. This is one of the fattiest candy bars in the world.

8. York Peppermint Patties: Too. Much. Peppermint. Stick with the Junior Mints if you need a little burst of brightness in your mouth.

9. Pixy Stix: Sugar in a straw, loved by kids around the world and hated by all of their parents.

10. Hershey's Kisses: I included these simply because you have to unwrap at least a dozen to get one decent bite of chocolate.