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This is the Burn Unit

Posted: Sep. 26, 2017 2:36 pm Updated: Sep. 26, 2017 2:46 pm

“Oh yeah! Well you don't know Moana!”

Just the latest burn in an ongoing war on my sanity. Just like the “your mama” of our adolescence, the kids are learning how put each other down, and it's never been more ridiculous. It must be something innate, because I'm not sure where it came from but I'm already over it. Not only is it masked fighting, but they are terrible at it.

“Oh yeah! Well you don't have a butt!”

Actually, I do have a butt. Everyone has a butt. Take a break.

I also don't have time for “Deez nuts!” or “You're so fat.” Did you want to discuss your testicles? Because if you would like to discuss your testicles and the reproductive system in front of all your friends, being the free spirit that I am, I'm totally game. When it comes to other people's bodies, you don't have a verbal opinion. If they really are fat, you're being a jerk, and if they're not, you're stupid. Pick one.

I get that it's all fun and games. A lot of the burns are humorous, but they all lead to a bad place. Eventually the bigger kids go for the more truthful insecurities of the other, and the littles just end up kicking someone in the face. My favorite burn!

So what are the options other than letting them play it out until you reach the end of your patience and scream “Enough!”?

Well, I'm not sure I have the answer. I think this behavior is learned by their peers but comes from some sort of animalistic place to weed out the weak or make them stronger.

I mean I'm not a sociologist or anything but I did take the class in college, and I know my parents would love for some of that to pay off. So trust me on this one.

I'm guessing it will be impossible to outlaw the burning entirely, so rules will be as follows:

• Keep it clean.

• Try to be funny.

• Don't be hateful.

• Have a tough skin. If you can dish it out, get ready to take it.


• No crying!

Because “there's no crying in baseball,” I mean burning.

Unfortunately, rules never hold up, and inevitably I will be screaming “Enough!”

This is the Burn Unit.

Jen Reekie was born and raised in Quincy and received a communications degree at the University of Kansas, which has come in quite handy as she communicates every day with four children who don't hear a word she says. This stay-at-home mom enjoys the challenge, though, and shares her experiences in this blog, "Mum's the Word." She welcomes your feedback, questions and stories about staying sane while raising kids.