Thankfully, the weather has started to warm and going outside is no longer a life-and-death proposition.
During that recent cold stretch I found myself self-quarantined for days at a time, not so much because of the pandemic but because it was too dang cold for an old guy like me to even think about venturing outdoors. Heck, I didn’t even want to go get the mail.
During all that down times, I watched a lot of sports, “Gunsmoke” reruns and kept my eye on Facebook. The results of all that? I’m familiar with the starting lineup of just about every NBA team, that Matt Dillon and Miss Kitty kissed only once in the history of “Gunsmoke” and people on Facebook still share the strangest stuff. Which leads us to this month’s edition of “Found on Facebook:
• “Snow is getting deep, check on your short friends”: This comment could go wrong in so many ways, so I’ll just say, “I hope Kelly Wilson avoided those snow drifts.”
• “Did a little mechanic’s work today. Put a rear end in a recliner”: Actually, I do a lot of such mechanic’s work.
• “To be frank, I’d have to change my name”: I have to admit, I needed to read this three times before I got it.
• “Bacon is the duct tape of food”: It truly is. Bacon always pulls everything together. Always.
• “People … you live in West-Central Illinois … it’s February … it gets cold everywhere in February”: I felt the same way pouring through all the weather-related comments earlier this month. It’s February. It’s supposed to be cold. It’s got nothing to do with the alleged climate change. It’s February.
• “Can’t sleep so I ordered groceries … I’m pretty sure I ordered $200 worth of chips, fruit snacks and cookies … next week’s dinners might be interesting”: Not to mention a bit fattening.
• “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son”: I think that’s from a movie. Either that, or some dad of a teenager was really upset.
• “Three things a child needs to hear: 1. I love you, 2. I will always be here for your, 3. Ohio State will always be the best college football team ever”: I don’t know who wrote this, but I guarantee you I like this person, and I mean I really, really like this person.
• “Giving up winter for Lent this year”: Here we go, another weather comment. It’s February!
• “Heartbeat, It’s A Lovebeat”: Someone must have had a copy of the 1973 hit song by the DiFranco Family.
• “The first idiot to complain it’s too hot this summer is getting punched in the throat”: I’m not a man of violence, but there is certainly a point here. And, may I add, it’s February!
• “If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them about life today?”: Hmmm … the price of a gallon of gas might be a good place to start. A gallon of gas in the ‘50s ranged between 25 to 30 cents. I imagine some time traveler would have a bit of pain at the pump if he stopped off in 2021.
• “Wise men say only fools rush in”: Ahhh … someone is an Elvis fan. What a great song. Let’s all finish the line, “...but I-I-I-I can’t help falling in love with you-u-u-u.”
• “With all this rain, we need an ark. Fear not! We Noah guy”: Classic. And a perfect way to end this column.