Another month, and another series of Facebook comments I happen to find hilarious.
Here’s the latest edition of “Found on Facebook”:
• “$29.95 for a club sandwich and fries? I asked the waitress and she said it’s usually $6.95, but the cost of lumber is so high it was the four toothpicks that drove the price up.”
My thought: First it was toilet paper, and now lumber. Where will it all end?
• “If you see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me.”
My thought: For the record, the last time I can remember jogging was 1977, maybe 1978.
• “The two fire trucks raced each other to the blaze at the mortuary. It was a dead heat.”
My thought: I heard that groan. It wasn’t that bad.
• “Can’t believe someone stole our limbo stick. Seriously, how low can you go?”
My thought: Seriously, who thinks these things up?
• “Once you lick the icing off a cupcake it becomes a muffin. Muffins are healthy.”
My thought: I’m pretty sure that’s some kind of culinary law.
• “The fact there’s a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated numbers.”
My thought: I always appreciate when rock and religion combine their efforts.
• “In 20 years, our country will be run by people who were home-schooled by day drinkers.”
My thought: The long-term effects of the pandemic will not be seen for years to come.
• “Changing the toilet paper roll does not cause brain damage.”
My thought: No, but it may cause a few divorces.
• “Hot sauce is just sexy ketchup.”
My thought: I’m not a condiment lover, so neither sounds appealing.
• “They should make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog about to puke. Nothing gets you out of bed faster.”
My thought: Anyone who has ever been a dog owner is smiling right now.
• “What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2.”
My thought: If you read that and thought of “The Lawrence Welk Show” you are a member of my generation.
• “If you can’t say anything nice, at least make it funny.”
My thought: Words to live by. Just ask my friends … or wife.
• “Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.”
My thought: Ouch.
• “We don’t have a welcome mat at the front door because we’re not liars.”
My thought: If you ever visit Kathy and I, please note we have a welcome mat by our front door.
• “Life is hard, but it’s harder when you’re stupid.”
My thought: I know. Oh, how I know.